It's like being draw and quarter, but not really.

Good and bad are getting the best of me. . .

Good is pulling me off balance while bad is pulling me away.

I'm infattuated with a girl, that may or maynot be infattuated with me. Just looking at a picture of her makes me happier.

This always ends badly. Always.

It's also something I shouldn't talk about.

There also is a wedding. The wedding.

I don't think I was invited to the ceremony because she think I would object.

. . .and she's right. . . I would.

The reception I did get an invitation to. Another thing I don't want to go to. It seems that I would have to paint a smile on my face for that. I would, or be extremely drunk, but then I would get into a fight with the groom. Well, not "get into" more pick a fight with him.

I can't understand things.

I'm about to graduate and the gullotine is rising its blade. Last minute projects are being turned in. Last minute prayers to pass are being said. I'm not a motivated student. I can't survive this.

I am a coward and a failure.

I can't tell the women I love that I love them, and I can't do the things I need to do for me to succeed.

I believe that's the definition of failure.

All I can do is sit on my ass and write on a little screen so that I don't try to end this all.

Who am I kidding? I'm too cowardly for that.

I really don't believe this will all be alright.

This is never going to be alright.

And I cannot forget the hurt that I've caused.

And I cannot forget the hurt that I've endured.

And I cannot forget you, no matter how I try

And I cannot succeed.

This is a losing battle.

. . .And I'm tired. . .